Snarky, yes- But I truly am not a bitter Philadelphia Real Estate agent. Most would agree that I am kinda’ happy go lucky. Except when another agent pees on my leg and tries to tell me it is raining outside. Then I get kinda’ angry. I am not a fan of someone lying, or trying to twist the truth to my clients. And I have listened to my share of crappy real estate sale pitches over the past 24.5 years, but here are some of the more memorable:
1) “The cabinetry is A Wenge Dutch Maple laminate with a caramelized soapstone countertop”
To Which I respond: PUKE. Could you be more pretentious? Nobody gives a crap for all your namedropping. The kitchen is small, not real attractive (some would say ugly)…no matter how much fabulousness you try to heap on it.
2) “We are 60% sold”
To which I respond …perhaps you have trouble telling the truth- I know you are lying, and you should know that I am going to tell my customers. I am not on “your” side. I work for my clients.
3) “The Developer said we will not negotiate on the prices”
Tell me if that is the case in 6 months when your bank is putting pressure on you to hold an auction. Actually, in some rare cases, this is true. More often than not, it is BS. I recently got this song and dance from a high rise in 19103. The one that isn’t selling.
4) “I have a buyer for your condo!!”
I hate it when Realtors send these fake postcards to potential sellers….trying to induce them to sell/list with whoever is sending the mailer. More often than not, this just a sales pitch.
5) “This Philadelphia condo includes parking”
No it doesn’t. You have induced your seller to buy one year of rental parking down the street, but you want to advertise that your condo has parking- hoping it will draw more attention. That is like lying to your therapist, or saying on eharmony that you are 29 when you are 48. Do you think the world is full of idiots?- I mean, what is the point of lying here?
Looking for the straight scoop? Let me be your agent and I will sing like a canary!
Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Fox and Roach Realtors